Poetry for a Astronaut Correspondence Course

Kenny Varty was an ASTRONAUT
Or so it was, that Kenny Varty THOUGHT
As he had completed his
Astronaut correspondence COURSE
From a Russian Chap
Named after a famous HORSE
And he even had a diploma, it was big and BLUE
With a picture on it
Of Yuri Gagarin, Laika and an Alien or TWO
But when he applied to NASA
To say he had his diploma and
There was no need for him to TRAIN
They laughed and pointed
And said Kenny Varty
Was almost certainly quite INSANE.
Well that is not the sort of thing
A chap from the suburbs is going to TAKE
So he decided a Rocket was something
He was going to MAKE
For weeks he worked away, in his SHED
And made a rocket, that was big and RED
Then in early July 1969 Kenny Varty set off
On his trip up to the MOON
The Launch accompanied by a local brass band
Who played a cheery upbeat TUNE
Neil Armstrong though was not happy
When he saw Kenny Varty wave and NOD
From outside the NASA lunar landing POD
And when Kenny Varty got back home
He thought he would ring up Neil on the telephone
But of course NASA claimed that Neil was FIRST
And said Kenny Varty was mad and plainly CURSED
But Kenny Varty was happy
Because he KNEW
He had beaten Neil by at least a day or TWO
And regardless of official history
There was nothing
Neil Armstrong could ever SAY
That would make the image of Kenny Varty
Waving outside the lunar lander
Ever Go AWAY
.
.

Which is why I am doing
My Astronaut correspondence course
So I can beat the chaps at NASA . . . . . . . . . .
And hang about in popular Astronaut friendly BARS
And tell all
That I was the first
To
Walk
On
MARS