Poetry for a Vampire and a Mummy chasing a Zombie Cat

Zombie Penguin2

A Vampire and a Mummy
Chased a large black cute fluffy cat
They chased it up a lamp post
And past an Ex-London borough council flat
They chased it past the chip shop
And under a railway bridge
And into the recycling yard
Where it hid behind a fridge
They chased it into a cul-de-sac
Past a pound shop and a café
And into a posh restaurant
Where the cat knocked over a carafe
They chased it onto the artificial ski slope
Past a man singing songs and drinking Gin
And round and round a roundabout
Until they all got in a spin
They chased it into the cinema
Which was showing the movie
Catch 22
They chased it into a railway station
And then into the public Loo
But they soon all ran out again
Because there was a penguin
Doing things it should not do
Then they chased it past a statue
Of Queen Victoria holding a Stratoscope
Chasing the cat for hours and hours
Until they had almost given up all hope



But when they finally caught up with it
It seemed the cat just did not care
Because the cat was in fact
An android Zombie Cat
Which cut the Mummy clean in half


With its android Zombie Cat laser eye stare
Which as you might expect
The Vampire proclaimed was ever so slightly
Rotten and


And the cat smiled
And said it didn’t care


Typical cat


Poetry for the Chicken and Egg Conundrum


What came first
The chicken or the egg
Or was it a platypus
With a wooden leg
Or maybe a huge dinosaur
Or a Roy Rogers
On his horse
Although it could have been an Alien
Who sort of got blown off course?
Or was it an Eagle
Sitting on its nest
Chewing on an Antelope
And knitting a string vest
Or it could have been a fish
Swimming in the sea
Then again on the other hand
It could have been a bee
Or it could have been something Large
Like an elephant or a whale
I think this question is a bit like
Hunting for the Holy Grail.
I mean it could have been the chicken
It could have been the egg
Or Long John Silver
Who emerged from his treasure Chest
Shouting . . . Shiver me timbers. . .HAR HAR HAR
As part of his pirate test
Or a small strange creature
No one has seen before
Which after hopping in a circle
Runs out of the kitchen door
Or maybe it was a tortoise
Which managed to beat the hare?
To a place that is not here
But might be over there
Or it might have been an ant
Using cunning, stealth and guile
Although now I come to think of it
I have not seen any ants
In a while
Or it might have been the ancient Greeks
Who were clever chaps you know
They invented the thermometer
And the garden hoe
Actually that is not entirely true
But they were very keen
On chickens and eggs
But which came first I wish I knew.

Poetry for the Snark

blue Tree 2


The Sckimple and the Scallywag
Climbed the Farthvart Hill
And threw stones
At little Philomena,
A worker at the mill
But a policeman shouted
Jubstert kor an Grast
Which made the pair
Run away
So very very fast
To lay low until the end of day
Which sadly would
Turn out to be
Their very


You See. . . .


The policeman searched
But did not find, their little hidey hole
As they hid beneath the Yarmalickle Bush
Until dark and they heard, the scuffering of a Mole
But it was a foolish thing for them to do
As there are beasts lurking
In the gloomy gloomy dark

And as they stood up
To go back home
They were then eaten
By a large mutant
Vampire (and slightly deranged)