Poetry for the Man of the Sea

the man of the sea 2

Behold the Great Man of the Sea
The heroic swimmer of Cromarty
Who swam all the way to Aberdeen
The greatest feat of swimming
There has ever been
And to astound onlookers
And stop them in their track
The next day he waved farewell
And then swam back
But he is a modest chap
And made no fuss


And after a cup of tea
At the harbour café
He set off home
On the local bus


The End


Poety for Pirates at the Edge of the World

Fish in the Sea 1.

Here we go sailing on the blue briny Sea
Chasing Sea Monsters and Serpents
Drinking Rum, and sweet hot tea
Hauling the main sail as sailors always do
Shouting har har har me hearties
And singing the odd sea shanty or two
Chase a fair wind
For new adventures, in the great unknown
Right to the edge of the world
We hope to be blown
Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest
Yo ho ho we will go, and do our very best
Dropping anchor at tropical islands
Full of unknown tribes and strange beasts
And on the white silvery sands
We will have big barbeque feasts
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Shout the crew
As they raise the Jolly Roger
And Jolly Roger complains
As the seagulls peck at his eyes
But this is what happens to
The English redcoat spies
And once we reach the edge
We will look over into the abyss
Before returning back to blighty
And giving the harbour wall
A Kiss

Poetry not approved by the local ornithological society

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My New Grumpy Poet Selfie, taken yesterday when I was attempting to look like a slightly cool poet which is why I have my sunglasses on. I was attempting to smile but I failed as I always do in photographs, I think its a timing thing a bit like poetry. The plan is always to be happy and somehow it sort of goes wrong

I don’t think I have posted this yet?



It is nice to set fire to a seagull
Or a robin or a crow or a huge scary eagle
Although some will say this should not be done
But even they will concede it is rather fun
And if folk say it’s a terrible thing to do
Just point out they throw chickens on their barbecue
You see us humans are a hypocritical lot
And most other lifeforms
Think we have just lost the plot
But there is nothing worse than being by the sea
When seagulls pinch your fish and a chip or two maybe
And such an event is surely bound
To invoke a sense of revenge as something you desire
So it is perfectly natural to set the seagull on fire
OK burning a robin or crow
Might be considered petty arson
But the burning of Eagles is best left
For the local vicar or parson
With the fire brigade close at hand
And a confused and bewildered ornithological society
Who are slightly grumpy?
And just

More Pirate Poetry

pirate eccentric 1

Everyone loves an eccentric wise Pirate
With his pirates swagger
As he sharpens his cutlass on a cuttlefish bone
And his parrot sings of the sea
In a raucous belligerent tone
The crew dancing on a dead man’s chest
Stolen in the dark of night
From its hidden place of rest . . .
Pieces of eight
Gold doubloons
And glinting silver coins
Slipping through the crews fingers
Mistrust brewing through their desire and greed
The eccentric pirate captain and the parrot
Watching and chewing caraway seed
Be gone me hearties
He shouts with his cutlass drawn
Greed will destroy ye all
Like a poison thorn
And with that he throws the chest
Into the sea and says
I be ye greatest Pirate Captain
There will ever be
Because while on my ship all the crew
Are treated equally
Now where be the rum.
And who
Is going to dive in to recover that chest
Tom the cabin boy ye say
Well give him a cannonball
To help him on his way





Whats that you say Skippy
Tom can’t swim

Poetry for Ron Weasley and Miss Granger

This is an old poem from my Harry Potter poetry days, but it is still one of my favourite ones. I rather liked writing Harry Potter Poetry although I am not entirely sure what Mrs J K Rowling would make of it all. I suspect she might look slightly amused, but think I am mad.
I have reason to believe that any Owls or Pussy Cats reading this may consider suing on the grounds of plagiarism, however I am a penniless poet so all I can say is it is just not worth it.


Ron Weasley and Miss Granger went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in the hand written curse of the goat.
Hermione looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
“O lovely Ronnie! O Ronnie, my love,
What a Gingery Wizard you are,
You are,
You are!
What a gingery Wizard you are!”

Ron Weasley said to Miss Granger, “You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land that Gandalf knows
And there in a wood Voldemort stood
With a ring at the end of his nose,
His nose,
His nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.

“Dear Voldemort, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?” Said Voldemort, “I’d much rather kill.”
So they both ran away, and hid deep in the hay
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
Voldemort killed them by the light of the moon,
The moon,
The moon,
Killed them by the light of the moon


DAMN another sad ending

HAH H HAH AH ha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah hah ahah ah h hhaha hah ah ah ah ah ah ha ha ha h ha ah ha h ha ha h h hah a hah ah ah ah ha ah ah ah ha ha ha ah haaha hahah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ha ha ha

Poetry for a Horse Walking the Plank

pirate colour

Clip Clop
Clip Clop
Long John Silver
Clip Clop
Clip Clop
Riding through the glen
Clip Clop
Clip Clop
Long John Silver
Clip clop
Clip clop
And his Merry Men
Clip clop
Clip clop
Shiver me timbers
Clip clop
Clip clop
A bottle of Rum
Clip Clop
Clip Clop
Long John Silver
Clip Clop
Clip Clop
The Parrot ate Ben Gunn
Clip Clop
Clip Clop
Make the horse walk the plank
Clip Clop
Clip Clop
HAH AH AH haha haha ha ha ha ha ha hah a ha haha haha ha ha ha ha
A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha h a h a
Clip Clop
Clip Clop

Poetry for Sailors and a Mermaid

Mermaid 3b1

It is said that Neptune once made
A beautiful legendary, but strange Mermaid
Who sang and danced and often played
Who Sailors feared with great fear and dread
Because you only saw her, or so it was said
When your ship had sank and you had drowned
So you were now alas quite quite dead
She would feed your bones to cuttlefish
This as we all know, is their favourite dish
And then torment your soul
With the promise of a kiss
As your soul drifts in the great Oceans
Great dark abyss
But they now do say
That sailors will not see
The Mysterious Mermaid of the wild sea
As the great fables of the Ocean
Are seen merely as a fairy tale
Like Moby Dick the giant whale
But if you find yourself
In a wild force 10 storm
With a mighty and terrible swell
And you hear distant singing
Be warned that
All will almost certainly
Not end well.
As the Ocean roars
And then
Tries to send
You deep to the ocean floor
To meet a tragic