Poetry for the Flamin Go

Where did all the Flamin Go
With their feathery soft pinky Glow
Are they hiding in a cardboard Box?
As often used by the cunning Urban Fox
We need to know. We need to know

I did hear that Genghis Khan
Kept many in a Big Pink Barn
And folk I’m told do often say
He ate several of them on Christmas Day.

In the past they often stood upon one leg
Much like my Auntie . . . Great Auntie Meg
Although she is inclined to slip and fall
Inevitably leading to a 999 Emergency Call
But the Emergency services are not happy
And say she needs to Stop
And needs to learn to walk
Rather than try to Hop.
But I’m distracted now
Because we still don’t know
Where did all the Flamin Go
With their feathery soft pinky Glow
I really think we need to know
We need to know
We need


What’s that Skippy
They have fallen down the old mine shaft




Poerty for two beasts and a wizard

A flim flam

And a falafel

Where sitting on a post

The flim flam looking bemused

As it ate some thickly sliced hot toast

You appear to have lost something

The flim flam inquisitively said

I have . . .

 I have lost a beautiful Rudy said the falafel

And it’s very very red

The flim flam smiled

As it looked out upon the Sunny day

And said

Is that it glinting discreetly?

Down there among the hay

But as they watched

A wizard picked it up

And held it in his hand

He however noticed

The narrowing eyes of the flim flam

Looking directly at his face

I suggest you give that back to its owner

As not too would be a positive disgrace

But the wizard laughed and said . . . .  Or what

As wizards tend to do

But the flim flam ate him

And on the wizard the flim flam it did chew

Until there was nothing left but a very red Ruby

Which it happily returned to the falafel

Because that’s what flim flams do . . . . .

Twas the Night before Christmas


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that Santa for Wizards would turn up there.


The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of muggles danced in their heads.

And Hermione waving her wand, an eye in her lap,

Had just settled her brain for a long winter’s nap.


When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

Ron sprang from his chair to see what was the matter.

Away to the window Ron flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.


The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to Ron’s wondering eyes should appear,

But a Drunk Harry Potter, with eight tins of strong beer.


With a little can opener, so lively and quick,

Ron knew in a moment Harry must be feeling quite sick.

Then into the night a voice suddenly came,

And it whistled, and shouted, and called Ron by his name!


“You’re my best mate Ron you cute little Vixen!

I’ve had a great doner kebab at a party in Blitzen!

but I’ve been sick on the porch! and the top of the wall!

but must dash away! Dash away! because I might be sick in your hall”


As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.

So up on the house-top Ron he just knew,

With a sleigh full of Toys, was Hagrid drinking Homebrew.


And then, in a twinkling, Ron heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As Ron shook his head, and then turned around,

Down the chimney fell Hagrid with a terrible sound


He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.

A bottle of gin he had tied on his back,

And he looked like a madman, about to attack.


His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how scary!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose rather hairy!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.


The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like Banshees in the heath.

He had a broad manic face, was incredibly smelly,

And he shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!


He was grumpy and plump, spitting bits of food on a shelf,

And Ron cringed when he saw him, in spite of himself!

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave Ron to know he better watch what he said.


He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

Giving a nod, out the window he then chose!


He sprang to his sleigh, and to Harry Potter gave a whistle,

And away they both flew like the down of a thistle.

But Ron heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,

“Here Harry I know of this bar that is open all night!”

Poetry for the local Café


There is a café not far Away
Where Mummies and Vampires like to sit all Day
Discussing poetry and the forbidden spells of the Dark
Then they walk their panthers in the Park

And a Ghastly Gruesome Giant Ghoul and a Ghost
Eat small children on bits of Toast
Which they have mid-afternoon with a cup of Tea
With frog spawn paste spread quite Thinly

Where Werewolves serve in their best Sunday Suits
And Banshees fly about while playing Violins and Flutes
And the Living Dead eat the Earl Grey’s Brains.
Drinking tepid water from the putrid Drains

You see . . . . .

Big Bills Greasy Fur Ball Café is the place to Die (dine)
But is rather exclusive and you will need to wear a tie
And Tuesday’s are half price Pensioners Day
Where you can eat roast Pensioner . . . IN
Or have it as a 


HAH HAha ha ha hahah ahah h h ha ahah ahah ah hahah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah hah ah ahha ahah hahha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ha

Poetry for Music


A bit of Art for my exhibition in December.


 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I do love some of that Franciscan Funk

And a bit of Hip Hop from Thelonious Monk

Plus a bit of Opera from those chaps at Motown

Or the famous Water Music by that chap Arthur Brown.

Or even that song Nineteen Ninety Nine by Arthur C Clark

And the Star spangled Banner as played at Woodstock by Johann Sebastian Bach

Who as we all know played saxophone with the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band . . . . just for a lark.

Although these days

I do have a problem remembering who plays and sings what

And folk say I am loony and have completely lost the plot.




Mind You

I once played the Bermuda triangle in the band at School

But I was told using a violin bow

Made me look like a fool.


Poetry for taking the kids in the Car





Are we nearly there yet . . . . . . . DAD

No No there is a long way to go

Are we nearly there yet . . . . . . . DAD

I just said we are not, and the traffic is quite slow

Are we nearly there yet . . . . . . . DAD

No I have just said, why don’t you play I Spy

Are we nearly there yet . . . . . . . DAD

No, will you stop asking or I will hit you with the cat and that will make you Cry

Are we nearly there yet . . . . . . . DAD

Look up there in the sky it’s a large Vampire Zombie Rook.

That eats small children that ask stupid questions

Are we nearly there yet . . . . . . . DAD

Just keep quiet and read a book

Are we nearly there yet . . . . . . . DAD

OK that’s it I have had enough


DAD. . . .Why have you locked me in the Boot I cant see.

.Are we nearly there yet . . . . . . . DAD






DAD. . . . . . . . . The Cats Dead.






. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .








Poetry for the Perfect Crime


I have trimmed the lawn
And cut the hedge
Watered the plants
And buried Reg
Underneath the patio
AH no sorry
No he has run away
To a foreign land
Or so I have been led to understand
And all his dogs have run away
And will not be back
So the neighbours say
And it was a shock to see
His house burn down
The fire brigade stuck
Just out of town
By a fallen tree on the track
Plus a several boulders in a sack
And a huge hole
Dug in the dead of night
Something the fire brigade said
Was a bit suspicious and not quite right
Meaning Reg’s house has completely  gone
Destroying the scene of the crime
Sorry I mean
Reg must be having a terrible time
Wherever he is
Although none of us know
But he is definitely not
Under my patio

Maybe I should not have said that.