Poetry for the Diet of a Dragon

dragons head 1

Tarquin the Dragon
Likes ice cream on toast
pizza and pie,
Rhubarb crumble made by a ghost
Followed by a nice Sunday roast
Deep fried
And marinated
In liquidised corpses of fly. . . .
And he will eat pumpkin seeds
As long as they are a bright bright red
And he once ate baked beans
By did not like them, he said
He likes iron filling with a hint of rust
And salt on his porridge is an absolute must
He will even eat tin
If it is served right
Wrapped round a grumpy medieval knight
Who as you might expect
Will complain when the dragon
Takes his first bite
He once ate three witches
From a Shakespearian play
And would have eaten the prince and the princess
But they both ran away
And he is partial to Poet
And says they taste of snow
And who could resist glow worms
When they start to glow
And every dragon
Likes toad and frog soup
Some anchovies and garlic
With an accessional Spaghetti hoop
And a big bowl of hot wizard stew
And a nice bit of Harry Potter gristle
On which to have a good chew
All washed down with some camomile tea
Accompanied by a bit of
Rancid fermented Bree



Poetry for a Wise Old Man

dragon 1c

A wise old man puffs his Rum-Pipe as dusk falls
Listening to the forests strange and eerie calls
Telling travelling strangers as they pass his way
Of the terrible dangers of the forest day
And how to avoid the Grumble Spit and other beasts
Which turn passing strangers into delicious feasts?
But first they must slip a shiny coin into his hand
Or they will never survive their passage across the land
And as the wise old man puffs his Rum-Pipe as dusk falls
Listening to the forests strange and eerie calls
He tells the travellers of the man eating Spiky Rat
And the Willowy Fire Beast and the Poisonous Gnat.
There are of course some who say the old man is quite mad
But the travelling strangers are always glad
When they pass through the forest safe and sound
As they travel far across unfamiliar ground
And at the end of the day
When the wise old man finally shuts his door
Many shiny coins into his piggy bank he does pour


Because he is far from being mad
He is a wise and rather wealth old man

Poetry for a Vampire and a Mummy chasing a Zombie Cat

Zombie Penguin2

A Vampire and a Mummy
Chased a large black cute fluffy cat
They chased it up a lamp post
And past an Ex-London borough council flat
They chased it past the chip shop
And under a railway bridge
And into the recycling yard
Where it hid behind a fridge
They chased it into a cul-de-sac
Past a pound shop and a café
And into a posh restaurant
Where the cat knocked over a carafe
They chased it onto the artificial ski slope
Past a man singing songs and drinking Gin
And round and round a roundabout
Until they all got in a spin
They chased it into the cinema
Which was showing the movie
Catch 22
They chased it into a railway station
And then into the public Loo
But they soon all ran out again
Because there was a penguin
Doing things it should not do
Then they chased it past a statue
Of Queen Victoria holding a Stratoscope
Chasing the cat for hours and hours
Until they had almost given up all hope



But when they finally caught up with it
It seemed the cat just did not care
Because the cat was in fact
An android Zombie Cat
Which cut the Mummy clean in half


With its android Zombie Cat laser eye stare
Which as you might expect
The Vampire proclaimed was ever so slightly
Rotten and


And the cat smiled
And said it didn’t care


Typical cat

Poetry for a slight Confusion between Interplanetary Species

alien monsters C

A small tiny insect with lots of legs
Which had many eyes and laid many eggs
Bored unnoticed into the stomach
Of a vicar in Crewe
The sort of thing an insect is likely to do
But it emerged six months later
With a huge alien head
Which frightened the entire congregation
And left the vicar quite dead
Resulting in much running and screaming
In the church that weekend
And the poor vicars wife
Sadly went quite round the bend
Well the poor old alien
Did not know what he had done
Because he and his mates
Were just having fun
Which is why on Songs of Praise
Televised live sometime
Just after a traditional Sunday lunch
An Alien ate the entire choir
With a rather grizzly